I remember my dad being angry with me because I had painted my nails. What if he knew I owned two butt plugs, a dildo and a vibrator?
I remember the surprise of my then girlfriend: “You really like to put this inside you? But why?” As a more or less straight, more or less guy, it’s just something you’re not supposed to do.
I remember the moment it began, with what, in retrospect, is the worst lubricant possible: soap. In dormitory showers,—I don’t know if it was an accident or how it actually came to be—I found that the butt hides pleasures that go way beyond what you are taught as a young man.
It’s patriarchally paradoxical – most hetero porn includes anal sex, and women are expected to be ready to provide it. There’s an endless number of podcast episodes of women discussing how it hurt, and how their partners didn’t know what to do properly, as their point of reference were videos that de-center pleasure and put control and humiliation of women’s body in its place.
When I confided in a group of my former high school friends (during a drinking game, I think) that I do own a vibrator, and yes, I do use it, few of them were seriously shocked. Years later, another one of them would tell me that he loves rimjobs.
One of my friends created a comic in which a baffled guy says: “If god hated gays, why did he put the prostate in the ass?” Let me correct her – if god hated men having anal sex, why did he put prostate so close to reach?
My discovery was gradual. After the shy exploration with fingers in the shower, I got back to it, a few years later, with my first (in hindsight, kind of funnily small) butt plug. It was purple, and sold under the brand name “Lady Dreams” – sure. Year later, I got a double-sided dildo. Then a vibrator. Then a prostate massager. For some time, I’ve been toying with the idea about something even bigger.
Once you dip your toes into it, you’ll discover a whole world of ass-centric interests: chat forums about no-hands orgasms, deep anal play, cis men talking to each other about the best techniques. People who are gay, straight, of all genders and sexualities, united by what is still perceived as forbidden pleasure.
I pity those whose fragile masculinity never lets them get fingered.
I am on antidepressants, which means that, as around 70% of fellow SSRI users, I experience sex-related side-effects. For me, it means it’s much harder to come. I can do it by myself, but I was never able to do it with anybody else. Until she offered to finger me. It took time, it took concentration, but in the end, I was able to come and moaned like never before.
I am glad I discovered this part of my body as a site of pleasure. I’m not at the end of my journey, nor I have exhausted all things there are to discover. But looking back and imagining all the experiences, and sensations, and orgasms, and wet nights I would lose, I cannot help but wonder that straight guys could also profit from some sexual liberation.
I wish for a world where my butt plug would be sold as “everyone’s dream”.
Text and photo: Ondřej Trhoň
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